One Thousand Points to Gryffindor
by Glalie773
Summary: "Stop being so cheerful!" Severus barked out, pointing his forefinger at Draco in dire accusation. "Stop it! Now!" D/Hr, SnapePOV. One-shot, purely humorous!


I wasn't planning on doing another Hermione/Draco story for a little while (writer's block), and anyway, I was working on another story for another book. But… I read this super-long, gorgeously written D/Hr story. Beautiful, and romantic. And then BAM! Draco betrays Hermione and sells her to Voldemort. And then, like _**everyone**_ dies or goes to Azkaban. Gah, I nearly cried. So I need this upper.

X0X

**One Thousand Points from Gryffindor**

It never became any better.

Severus tried - he really did, to alleviate the pain of having the seventh year Double Potions class with Gryffindors and Slytherins… but his attempts were futile.

However, Severus had a feeling that today would be different. Perhaps Potter had died randomly, because Severus was just feeling content with the afternoon.

Severus yanked open the dungeon doors at half past three, still a little sour (despite the contentedness) at having an hour and a half with the brats.

A shiny, perfectly white and perfectly straight pair of teeth greeted the Professor. Gray eyes sparkled like wildfire, the color sprightly and giddy. Blond hair was mussed and sticking out as much as Potter's, and fleeting giggles kept erupting from behind those rosy lips.

Severus, for the first time in his life, was stunned beyond words.

Draco Malfoy pushed roughly past the Potions Professor, nonsense warbling from his mouth and hands waving frantically.

"POTIONS!" he screeched, the most feminine sound Severus had ever heard emitting from the mouth of the Slytherin Prince.

The class followed, some widely smirking and some openly gawking. Severus made a side note that Potter was indeed alive - unfortunately - and was smirking along with the rest.

Blaise Zabini roared with laughter as he situated himself at the Slytherin table, where Draco was bouncing up and down on his stool, snorting with his own amusement.

Severus swept to the front of the classroom.

"Somebody. _Explain_," he hissed furiously, eyeing the rambunctious teen warily. _What the hell-?_

"Sir," Zabini choked, wiping his eyes, "sorry, but Granger hit Draco with a _really _powerful Cheering Charm-"

"-HAHAHAHA-"

"-and he's been like this for about ten minutes now," Pansy finished, covering her mouth with her hand. Severus felt an ice cube slide into his stomach.

Granger was simply ecstatic, from what Severus could see. She was beaming, and receiving a load of pats on the back and high fives.

_Damn you, Granger._

"Fix him, someone!" Severus had to actually tear his eyes away from Draco. The oddest feeling had spread throughout his body; he almost wanted to _laugh. _Draco let out a high-pitched whine that sounded like a dog.

"Sorry, sir," Zabini said, looking like he was not sorry at all, "But Cheering Charms only go away by themselves… and Granger's was pretty strong-" his words were drowned out by raucous laughter, undoubtedly from Draco Malfoy, who was currently pulling on Pansy's ponytail, while the girl simply shook with silent giggles as Draco tried to light her hair on fire.

Now, nearly the majority of the dungeon was giggling madly at the sight of the Slytherin Prince rolling around on the floor (he had fallen off his stool), red-faced and tears spilling out of his eyes in a sort of forced mirth.

Severus just stared in horror at Draco, who seemed to be sobbing and laughing at the same time.

"His stomach must hurt like _mad_," Pansy calmed down enough to say critically. "Nice job, Granger, I think if you added up all his cheerful moments in his life it would come to be about a hundredth of this."

Granger was fucking glowing, the stupid girl.

"Ahhahahaaaaaaaa-"

"Everyone! Back to your task!" Severus just about shouted, trying to go around Draco's Cheering Charm effects. Nearly everyone smiled ruefully at Draco, who was still sitting on the floor and laughing uncontrollably, slapping his hands down on the cool stone floor. Severus resisted the urge to annihilate him, but he also quenched the urge to laugh along as well.

Severus was human, though, and humans laugh.

Severus' mouth thinned into a line nearly invisible to the naked eye. "Get back to work, Draco," Severus forced out, an angry glint in his eyes. Pansy exploded into a fit of cackles almost as loud as Draco.

"SNAPE! SNAPEY!"

Any other day Severus would have just Avada Kedavra'd Draco's skinny ass, but now he just felt… amused. It was something Severus had not felt for years upon years. _Maybe Granger hit me with a Cheering Charm too._

"Hahahahaha," Draco, who had successfully stood a moment before, fell to the ground again.

"Sheesh, Hermione, what a strapping Cheering Charm…."

"Well, he's always so irritable in the mornings when we wake up…."

Severus didn't want to hear more.

"Fifty points from Gryffindor for disrupting class, Granger."

Granger's smiled slipped.

"HAHAH-"

Draco bounced over to the Gryffindor table. He planted a sloppy kiss on Hermione's cheek and bumbled away, laughing hysterically.

"One thousand points to - hahahah - Gryffindor because Hermione's great in bed! Hahahahahahaha-"

Absolute silence, save for Draco's mad giggling.

Snape felt his face drain of all color. Weasley was looking a little green, and Potter was simply gagging. Granger was a sunset.

Blaise whistled appreciatively, and Pansy was stifling her laughter by stuffing her fist into her mouth.

_I am seriously contemplating killing myself along with Draco Malfoy right now._

On the plus side, the urge to laugh had disappeared along with his appetite.

"Stop being so damn cheerful!" Severus barked out, pointing his forefinger at Draco in dire accusation. "Stop it! Now!"

"Sir-"

"I don't care if it has to wear off!" Severus screeched, now going slightly mad. "_Stop. Laughing!_"

Draco stopped abruptly.

Then started up again.

He jumped up, plopping down on his chair again for the thousandth time, rocking back and forth so quickly Severus half-thought he would fly off and knock himself out against the walls.

"One thousand points from Gryffindor," Severus muttered, taking away the gracious amounts of rubies from Gryffindor. Finnegan sighed loudly.

Draco continued to rock on his stool, kicking Blaise's back, quite hard.

_No - I can't - _

"Uhmph," Severus turned around in his high-backed chair, swallowing his laughter at Draco's antics.

"HAHAHAHA-"

"Shut up!" Zabini roared, pushing Draco back. Draco stumbled and slid on a puddle of water, clutching at his hair and panting loudly.

"Nice job, Draco," Zabini said randomly, and very, very loudly. "Good thing you two are Heads together, eh? Alone in the dorms-" he was cut off as Granger hurled an eel at Zabini, which slapped him across the face with a very wet _splick _and fell to the ground, limp once again.

Zabini swelled with fury, and Severus had half a mind to let them just go at it. But his eye caught Draco once more, who was poking the eel with his toe and laughing hysterically, and decided to just end everything then and there.

He had to, before he started bursting out laughing in the middle of his Double Potions.

"Everyone-" Severus' demand for everyone to evacuate was also interrupted, this time by Draco himself.

"Haha… ha… AH!" Draco shot up like a bullet, knocking over his stool -_ that DAMN stool, _Severus thought in irritation- in one swift moment and blushing nearly as hard as Granger, who was covering her eyes with her hands.

Nobody was making his assigned potion, that was for sure.

"Good, it's worn off," Zabini said in relief, prodding the now-silent Draco. Draco quietly stirred his potion uselessly, probably more to occupy his hands than anything else. The swift and sudden change of mood threw nearly everyone off; it was as if the incident had never occurred.

Severus stared broodingly at Draco, who swallowed in embarrassment. Then-

"Ha. Haha." Severus chuckled, two fingers touching his forehead.

Pretty soon, everyone in the dungeon was laughing hysterically again, except for Granger and Draco. Severus stifled his small giggle.

"One thousand points to Gryffindor. I thank _you_, Granger." _For making me laugh, though not for making Draco spill about your sex life._

Granger buried her head in her arms, probably regretting the moment she turned her wand to the now sickly-pale face of Draco Malfoy.

XOX

This is more for me, to recover from that devastating fic where Draco is evil and manipulates Hermione after 30+ chapters of love.  
Ugggggh I need to stop thinking about it. I still hope you liked it:D

Cheers,  
Glalie773


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